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The Real Perspective

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SubhanAllah, sometimes you just need a perspective. A Real One, that can compel you to confront the real world out there. We’re often deluded by the shallowness of this Dunya. It dictates us norms that inflict our inside. We often forget that the only Real need man ever had is to acquire love of their Lord. All else melts away with time and age. This is One Perspective that stays there intact. But sadly, this is one perspective which has been suppressed the most. When we want to get married, we expect as if it will solve all our problems, as if it’s the end of the world, or some might consider it as a way of escaping all their miseries. The truth is, it’s none of them!

A soul mate makes you connect to your Lord in more than one ways! They’re there to strengthen your knot with the One, Who has not moved one bit. But the only one who has moved were – you. They break you apart to let your inner filled with what it really deserves – love of God.

The following words of immense wisdom were shared by Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed. The words originally are of an author named Elizabeth Gilbert. These words stirred me inside out. And compelled me to see the beautiful knot of marriage through the lens of the Real Perspective.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Subhan’Allah! God makes you meet your soul mate and your soul mate makes you meet your Lord. This assures that the source and destination remains the same – God. A soul mate is just a means of reaching out to your Lord. Allahu akbar!

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A Responsibility on My Shoulders

We, as women of tomorrow, have a responsibility. A responsibility that is larger than life. A responsibility – if not realized today can destruct the future of our generation tomorrow. Women are that strong in terms of authority. They can create a family – a generation of scholars. And can shatter it into pieces with a generation of ignorants. The choice is yours! Are you ready to pay the price?!

Final exams ended today, Alhamdulillah. There was something that was bugging me for long. I couldn’t give my best in those exams possibly because there was something big that needed more of my attention. A responsibility. Yes! A responsibility. A responsibility of my younger sister, who sees the world differently, who feels differently, who speaks differently. Who is 10 years younger than me and needs me at this stage. A 10 year old, not having enough insight into what this Dunya all about, needs attention of her elder sister who has got the sense a bit too late. The best part is, with God, it’s never too late! SubhanAllah.

A 40 minutes conversation with my younger sister Amina, and even younger cousin Emaan, made me realize how important it’s for a girl to be raised on Islam. We’re deluded by the concept of ‘Liberal’ Muslim, ‘Conservative Muslim’, ‘Moderate’ Muslim. Whereas there’s no such this as a liberal, conservative or moderate Muslim. Either you’re a Practicing Muslim or a Non-Practicing Muslim. Realize it! This conversation, with the most beautiful generation-bearers of tomorrow,  taught me lessons that will preserve in my memory for long, Insha’Allah Ta’ala.

If you’ve daughters, or younger sisters, treat them with love. Because that’s all they understand. They feel the concern you’ve for them and what you teaches them, sinks in them. Engraves. I’ve experienced the worst kind of identity crisis. And I didn’t want my younger sisters to go through this. And it’s not at all difficult for your daughters or sisters to fall a trap of this fatal disease of identity crisis. Take Islam out of your homes, and see what happens.

My sister Amina, unlike me, is very social, Masha’Allah. That’s a very good trait if utilized in the right manner.  She’s the first person in the family who stood by me in no time, in my decision to take Niqaab. Though she has no clue the reasons behind doing it, but all she said was, what pleases Allah, has hikmah, #SubhanAllah. (Oops, forgot, this is not Twitter! LOL) Anyways, so the thing is, I’ve sensed her inclination towards practicing Islam, Alhamdulillah. May Allah (SWT) reward her with Khayr and Tawfeeq to be the best of His slaves (A’meen Ya Rabb)

Dunya is throwing away temptations at her. Temptations of cladding up in Western attire, following their sick Music (which is absolutely forbidden in Islam), watching their pathetic, low-standard Disney comedies, the filth of the planet Hannah Montanna, all of this filth can flip her little mind in no time. All of this together, is enough to pollute her mind at this young stage. On top of this, this new trend of 6 yr old signing up for Facebook. Ah, parents please, wake up and don’t let your child fall trap to all of this crap.

Now, don’t you think she is in need of the most attention?

This Dunya, has filth to offer her. And if today (Godforbid), she’s left unattended, this can result in paying a very heavy price. A price of a generation! I’ll reiterate my question. Are you ready to pay the price?! Think. Reflect. And please wake up!

Your child, your own very daughter, your own beloved son, your dearest younger brother, your most adorable younger sister, are all in the same position as Amina’s. We can’t let the filth consume them. They’re precious. They’re our responsibility. Who will teach them, if we didn’t? Who will pay the burden in the Akhirah, if we left them unattended?

Make your homes a place of growth. A place of spiritual and intellectual growth for the little kids. Teach them Qur’an. Make them recite short Surahs from the Qur’an. Narrate them stories of the prophets. Sit with them. Talk it out. Let them say what their hearts have inside. Let them pour out that filth, so that now Islam can sink in their hearts. Deeper. Your child doesn’t need those cartoons that have so much Fahash in it. They don’t need those sick singers as their role models. They don’t need the filth that they see and consume on a customary basis. They don’t need anything but Allah. How can they not need Allah? How can they not need their Creator? That’s all I, you and all of us need. Allah. His Deen. Islam.

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Why?! The Words – Unspoken. Unheard.

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Who am I? Where I’ve come from? Where am I heading? Who am I heading towards? Why am I here? What do I want?

These are those few questions which have caused a lot of uncertainty inside me. Being born in a Muslim family, is it enough? Is it enough to enter into Jannah? If yes, then what did I do to earn Jannah? I didn’t do anything. I was just born in a Muslim family. Is that sufficient enough to get closer to God?

Truth is, I’ve never been a practising Muslim. And a bitter truth is, I’m not a practising Muslim even now. I’ve lived in negligence. And I’m still living in negligence. Sometimes the pain that ignorance causes is so detrimental that it hampers you deep inside. On top of that, you know from the inside that something is going wrong, but what is it, remains a mystery!

Today, when I see Muslim families, doing all that has no relevance with Islam, it hurts me terribly. My inside is shaken! Badly shaken! Wallahi. Music, movies, Bollywood, Hollywood, what nonsense are we raising our kids on? Why is it do we complain when our child loves watching a movie over reciting few verses of the Glorious Qur’an? Why do we complain?! Why?! Didn’t we offer that bulk of filth to our child in the first place?! What has gone wrong to this Ummah? Why can’t we see that our hearts are hardening?! God is nowhere inside of us. We’ve placed Shaytan in our hearts and Allah is nowhere close. Why?! We’re raising our children on filth! Wallahi. Filth. Parents complain when their child doesn’t listen to them any more. SubhanAllah. Why would the child ever listen to you, when you chose to raise them on the filth of this Dunya? You replaced your love with laptops, computers, internet, mobile, cars and what not. Why do you complain when your child doesn’t love you any more?

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Ya Allah, change us. Change us Ya Rahman. Change us!

We’ve no idea of what are we accumulating for our Akhirah. A burden. A burden of not just our sins. But the burdens of generations right ahead of us. We’re carrying a burden of the entire legacy that we will leave behind in ignorance. Today if a mother doesn’t raise her child on Islam, tomorrow the same child will be putting the entire blame on her and relieving himself from the wrath of Allah. Can you afford it? Can you really afford to carry this burden?

I’ve been no different. I’m a similar child. Raised in a Muslim family. I’ve been told of the five pillars that constitute the foundation of Islam. But is Islam all about these five pillars alone? Why our hearts are deprived of God? Why Muslim families no more teaches their daughters to observe their Hijaab? Why children are not taught of what is Hayaa? How Hayaa (modesty) and Emaan (faith) go hand in hand. Why aren’t  we taught the basic rules of living on Islam? Why our lives have become show pieces to the world only? Why? Why impressing God is the last thing to consider and creation has become our priority? Why?! Why?! Why?! Where has our Hayaa gone? Where? Allah is watching. We’ve lost Hayaa with Allah. We’ve lost it. Wallahi we have lost it. We don’t feel shame when we commit sin. We don’t feel guilt when we hurt the person next to us. We have become so prone to committing sin that our hearts don’t feel any tremor inside.

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Do you think losing your house in a calamity is a loss? Do you think losing your car in an accident is a loss? Do you think losing the material of this Dunya is a loss? If this is loss for you, then you’re actually in the gravest of loss! Wallahi. Because this is not loss. Loss is inside of you. You’ve lost God. Why can’t you see? Why can’t you feel? He has left your heart. Because your heart has stopped yearning for Him. Don’t you feel this loss? Don’t you hear your Fitrah crying inside? Don’t you feel how badly you need Him? We lose a little from this Dunya and we mourn over it. And our entire lives are going at complete waste and we feel nothing? Why?!

When all your life is no more than a piece of show off and extravagance, you lose a lot. Creation becomes your priority. God leaves your heart. This is what all our lives have ever been up to.  We’ve lived for the approval of creation. We’ve lived for the approval of this Dunya. What a mere loss! You’re made of dust, and it is dust where your final abode will be. We’re wasting our lives showing off, living in extravagance, not realizing how poor we’re from the inside. Our exterior doesn’t dictate our richness. It’s the interior that shows how rich or how poor we’re. We’re getting poorer than poor from the inside. And richer than rich from the outside. Inna Lillahe Wa Inna Ilahe Rajeoun (Translation: To Allah we belong and to Him is our return.)

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What have you prepared for the hour? What have you prepared for the Akhirah? Ask yourself. NOW!

You’re seeking for success in this Dunya, not realizing, success resides in knowing your God. Success resides in loving your Allah. Loving Allah above all else. I’ve wasted 19 precious years of my life not realizing how much my soul yearns for Allah. I kept on suppressing the call of Fitrah, I kept on refuting the guilt of sins inside. I thought this so-called disease of guilt will only grow if I kept thinking over it. I stopped feeling it. Loss. Mere loss. I forgot how much I needed Him. How much I need Him. He’s all I’ll ever need.

Today, if you ask me what do I want? I don’t want money. I don’t want a lavish lifestyle. I don’t want a wardrobe filled with top-designer clothes. I’ve had them all. And I know what price you’ve to pay when this material resides in your heart. It takes God away from you. It steals your peace. It creates a void inside of you which causes more pain. More destruction. And in the end, there’s nothing that  you literally own.

I want God. I want Allah. I want a Beloved Who will never separate from me. A Beloved Who no one can ever take away. A Beloved Who will stand by me. Who will guide me through this filth. Who will be with me forever. A creation can in no way stand true to this. Only God can. And He will. I know. I’m sure.

Change me Ya Allah. Change me. Change my heart. Change my heart. Change my heart. 

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Rebirth

There was so much distance that prevailed between You and I, that I almost felt that even if I devote my entire life to bridge that gap, I still wont be able to fix things between us. But I was wrong. Because I forgot, this time I’m not chasing a creation. I’m not chasing the dependent. I’m not striving for the weak. This time, I’m running after my Creator. The Almighty. The Independent. The Strong. The Powerful – God. My Allah. 

I forgot Him. I lost the sight of Him. But He didn’t forget me. He didn’t lose sight of me. I was always in His sight.

Slavery of nafs, made me forget my purpose. I built a huge wall between You and I. My nafs made that wall between You and I. This wall never let me see what lies beyond it. This wall was what my life circulated around. I never made a conscious effort to surpass it and see what a Treasure lies on the other end. For me, this wall was all I have. For me this Dunya was my destination. I drowned in the ocean of Dunya. I lost myself. I lost You. I lost everything.

I died in  every single moment in which my heart was devoid of Your remembrance. I starved my heart to death. I starved my soul to death. I was chasing a mirage. I was chasing an illusion. I fell hard. I broke. I shattered. Not because a creation disappointed me but I disappointed Him. I disappointed My Allah. Every single thing here will fade. Every single thing will die its own death. It’s Allah alone Who remains. Then how did I forget Him? Why did I lose sight of Him. How could I let anyone other than Him, rule over my heart and soul?  How did I even manage to live without His remembrance? HOW?!

I lived a huge portion of my life without Him. Not once, did He complain! Not once, did He show His wrath on me! Instead, He guided me. He placed love for Him in my heart. How could I do this to You, Allah? How could I disobey you? HOW? 

I kept on staining my heart with the filth of this Dunya.  I was disillusioned. Guide me Ya Rabb. Guide me!

 

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Awakening

Creations are amazing. They teach us how imperfect we are. No matter how high we think of ourselves, they make us realize, not to forget the ground where we were not so long ago. There was a time when I used to think pretty high of myself (Astaghfirullah) and as expected God’s creation never failed to seek for perfection in me. And because I’m not God, which also means I’m not perfect, I failed to fall upto their expectations. They expected perfection out of me, and I kept on failing to rise above their expectations. Eventually, the war ended. I surrendered.

This is not a very alienated talk. This is our problem. Lets face it. We, humans, have always made it a point to seek for perfection in people. We seek for God in people. We’ve dehumanized the concept of human altogether. Imagine, if you start seeking for something in a person and you’re unable to find in them, what will be the ultimate result? – Disappointment.

Lets get to the ground and realize it. We are not perfect. And probably this is one big reason because of which we’re humans. Imagine, if we would’ve been perfect, could we even accept that there’s a God? No! It’s our imperfections that lower us in humility in front of our Creator. It’s our weaknesses that compel our hearts to yearn for Allah. We would never turn to God if we were not raised weak. We’re created weak and it’s a mighty blessing! Subhan’Allah :’)

I’ve chased for perfection in people too, and every time I believed someone to be fitting the criteria of perfection, I ended up disillusioned. We all want a perfect wife, a perfect husband, a perfect job, a perfect house, a perfect child, a perfect friend and to sum it up – a perfect life. But how can this life be perfect? If this life is perfect, who will yearn for the next? We don’t get a perfect wife, a perfect husband, a perfect child, a perfect job in this life because perfection belongs to Allah Azzawajal alone. When we start looking for perfection in people, in reality we’re looking for God in people. And this is why we land in disappointments. This is why we break from the inside. This is why we shatter. This is why we’re torn apart.

Ask yourself: How can we associate unlimited expectations from a limited world? 

This doesn’t even make sense.

Through this note, I just sincerely want to thank all those amazing bunch of God’s creations who were a part of my life and all those who still are a part of my life. I can’t thank them enough. They’ve made me realize, how imperfect I am. They’ve assisted me in realizing perfection belongs to Him alone. With each heart break, I realized how weak I am – how imperfect I am, yet so blessed. Because it’s these imperfections that led me to my Source – Allah.

We’re known for our imperfections. And these imperfections  bring us closer to our Source – The Perfectionist – God.

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A Breath Away From Death

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has been very kind. If I evaluate my life on the scale of difficulty, I can claim that I’ve not been afflicted with serious bunch of hardships. I was the kind of person who didn’t have the ability to confront the minutest of pain. But as time passed, eventually Allah made me realize that everything He sends upon me is a blessing, it just depends on how I perceive it.

Then came a series after series of deaths in the family, which made my faith stronger that nothing in this Dunya will last for long. Everyone sent down here has a purpose. And it’s Allah alone Who knows the purpose we’re living here for. As soon as we’re done with that purpose, we will be brought back to Him. And this thought has instilled a purpose in my heart. The purpose is to leave behind a legacy that will act as Sadqa-e-Jariya for me and my parents.

I once read somewhere that donating blood is an act of Sadqa-e-Jariya. Since then, I’ve been involved in blood donations, Alhamdulillah. Today, I was made to face the reality. I seriously felt that I’m just a breath away from death. After you donate blood you have to lie down for about 15-20 minutes. This helps in circulating equal proportion of blood in the body. Instead of lying down for 20 minutes, I rose up within 7-10 minutes time. I was perfectly normal then, Alhamdulillah. But in a matter of 2-3 minutes my head almost had terrible jerks. My hands got all white, and I could barely stand. My body started turning cold. The staff around hurriedly came towards me. They tried every possible thing they could think of. I started losing my breath. And from the inside all I felt was, if today I die, I’ll be able to meet The One I have wished to meet for long. Those certain moments of pain and agony taught me how much worse the death scene will be.

When I returned home, my parents got pretty angry on my move of donating blood. And then there was something very strong that I felt. This is Dunya. My parents love me so much that they can’t afford to lose their daughter. Behind their scolding, hid the fear of losing their daughter. This is their love. Now imagine God’s love, Who put me in this painful situation, not to depress me, rather to remove those piles of sins that I’ve put on myself as layers of burden. He did this to make me realize how worse will the pain of death be. WALLAHI He has transformed every painful situation  into a blessing for me. His love is beyond everything that exist. I just can’t thank Him enough. I felt a strange feeling of bliss from the inside while I was going through this whole painful situation. I just don’t know how to put it down into words. But He has taught me to seek for His signs in every single blessing and hardship. I can see His signs in this entire Universe. Every single thing reminds me of Him, Allahu akbar! What a blessing! I can’t ask for anything else. As long as I have Him, I know I’m safe. Fear of death has escaped my heart. The only fear I’ve left inside is of disappointing Him. I just don’t want to disappoint Him.

My beloved parents got tensed because of my pain, but they didn’t know what a huge lesson Allah has taught me through these few moments of pain. The feeling is so hard to pen down. It’s divine. Only God knows how much this has affected me.

Ya Allah! Take everything from me that steals me away from Your remembrance. Because all I need is You. It  is You alone I desire to have (A’meen Ya Rabb)

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That One Night – Journey of a Sinner to a Believer

I was so lost in the sea of my sins, that I became blind towards the Mercy of Allah. I was so wrecked from the inside, that to heal this burn I use to burn myself up with the curse of more sins. I carved layers after layers of sins on my heart. I was so submerged in myself that everything I did was me. I was such a strayer that my eyes turned blind towards His Verses, my ears turned deaf towards His Message, my heart turned wrecked towards His Mercy. I kept refuting His Message. He kept granting me with guidance. I kept losing the sight of Him. He kept sheltering me with His refuge. I kept craving for the filth of this world. He kept reminding me of the life hereafter. I kept losing myself. He kept reviving the real me. I’ve also experienced the state in which a voice used to echo inside of me and said all I do is what makes me – the real me. But sadly, it wasn’t me. It was my nafs ruling over my heart and soul. Piles of my sins made my heart sink in the slavery of my nafs. I chose destruction. I chose loss. I was lost. WALLAHI I was lost. Wrecked. Burnt. But He chose Khair for me. Allahu akbar!

My journey from an ignorant to a believer comprises of series of events that secluded me from the rest of the world for few moments of truth and assisted me in rediscovering myself. A lot of religious speakers like Brother Nouman Ali Khan, Shaykh Omar Suleiman and Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed have inspired me in this path to reaching out to Allah (swt) as well. Youtube videos/lectures have a huge share of credit in this inclination towards Islam, Subhan’Allah.

I always used to wonder how does it feel when one dies. The thought of this emotion used to get so intense at times that it used to preoccupy my mind for long. Then there arrived a time when I was compelled to set loose some relationships that God sent me down with. One of the strongest relationship I’ve shared was with my maternal grandfather (Nana). He died. He died of cancer. His love for me meant so much to me that when he died I was emotionally collapsed. The thought of his departure used to haunt me. I saw him dying right in front of me and I felt so helpless. I was shaking with fear of losing him, terror and pain, that I could hardly utter a word. I know how it feels when you lose someone you adore beyond emotions. It kills you from deep inside. There was a huge space inside of my heart that was vacant now. And I used to seek for ways to fill that space. I used to stumble from one attachment to another, just to fill that space which was created inside. Nothing was working out. To heal that wound, I would turn on the music on loud and tried to hide my insecurities in those few moments which I then believed to be my refuge.

In short, I disobeyed Allah in all those times. And then finally, there came a time which took me to question who I really am. I heard about someone’s death through a friend and as I could relate to that emotion I seriously felt it. There arose a voice from behind which said,

Inna lillahe wa inna ilahe rajeoun

“To Allah we belong and to Him is our return”

This one statement echoed in my ears for long. I went back home and I googled it to find out what it literally means.

When I found out the real meaning it holds, I burst into tears. I remained locked up in my room that night and repented for every single sin that I could think of. The scene of my Nana’s death came as intense flashbacks in front of me. And then I imagined myself in that state. In that very night, I isolated myself from everything else that exist, and sincerely devoted my heart towards my Creator. In this state, I uttered these words;

Ya Allah! Place me in your refuge. I’m a sinner. I know I’m a sinner. I confess I’m a sinner. I’ve fought a thousand battles with my nafs, to reach out to You. I’ve seen an era of struggle within myself to rediscover the lost me. I love you Ya Allah.

You brought me closer to Yourself. You took away my closest relationships so that I could rebuild my relationship with you.

You chose to bring me closer to You. I’ve crushed my ego. I’ve burnt myself, the sinner me. I’ve burnt my sins into ashes.

Today, all I need is You. All I ask for is You. All I seek refuge in is You. 

WALLAHI, I prefer that night above all nights in which I shed tears for You. The only prayer my heart screamed from the inside was;

“Ya Allah! What should I do to become dearest to You? Ya Allah I beg you O Lord, I beg You Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem, shape my heart in a way that I become dearest to You” 

This is one night, I can never forget. This is one night that changed the state of my heart. This is that one night that brought me closer to Someone Who truly deserves to be loved. This is that one night in which You returned my sight so that I could see You. This is that one night in which You returned my hearing, so that I can hear Your verses. This is that one night that changed my heart for good. This is that one night  in which you removed the seal on my heart so that I can come closer to You.

If I’ve to exchange this one night with everything good that I’ve, WALLAHI I would refute this offer. Because this ONE night burnt my sins into ashes and left behind a soul that was now a BELIEVER. Believer of ONE GOD. Ilah. Allah.

La Ilaha Illalah Muhammadur Rasul Allah

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