Who am I? Where I’ve come from? Where am I heading? Who am I heading towards? Why am I here? What do I want?
These are those few questions which have caused a lot of uncertainty inside me. Being born in a Muslim family, is it enough? Is it enough to enter into Jannah? If yes, then what did I do to earn Jannah? I didn’t do anything. I was just born in a Muslim family. Is that sufficient enough to get closer to God?
Truth is, I’ve never been a practising Muslim. And a bitter truth is, I’m not a practising Muslim even now. I’ve lived in negligence. And I’m still living in negligence. Sometimes the pain that ignorance causes is so detrimental that it hampers you deep inside. On top of that, you know from the inside that something is going wrong, but what is it, remains a mystery!
Today, when I see Muslim families, doing all that has no relevance with Islam, it hurts me terribly. My inside is shaken! Badly shaken! Wallahi. Music, movies, Bollywood, Hollywood, what nonsense are we raising our kids on? Why is it do we complain when our child loves watching a movie over reciting few verses of the Glorious Qur’an? Why do we complain?! Why?! Didn’t we offer that bulk of filth to our child in the first place?! What has gone wrong to this Ummah? Why can’t we see that our hearts are hardening?! God is nowhere inside of us. We’ve placed Shaytan in our hearts and Allah is nowhere close. Why?! We’re raising our children on filth! Wallahi. Filth. Parents complain when their child doesn’t listen to them any more. SubhanAllah. Why would the child ever listen to you, when you chose to raise them on the filth of this Dunya? You replaced your love with laptops, computers, internet, mobile, cars and what not. Why do you complain when your child doesn’t love you any more?
Ya Allah, change us. Change us Ya Rahman. Change us!
We’ve no idea of what are we accumulating for our Akhirah. A burden. A burden of not just our sins. But the burdens of generations right ahead of us. We’re carrying a burden of the entire legacy that we will leave behind in ignorance. Today if a mother doesn’t raise her child on Islam, tomorrow the same child will be putting the entire blame on her and relieving himself from the wrath of Allah. Can you afford it? Can you really afford to carry this burden?
I’ve been no different. I’m a similar child. Raised in a Muslim family. I’ve been told of the five pillars that constitute the foundation of Islam. But is Islam all about these five pillars alone? Why our hearts are deprived of God? Why Muslim families no more teaches their daughters to observe their Hijaab? Why children are not taught of what is Hayaa? How Hayaa (modesty) and Emaan (faith) go hand in hand. Why aren’t we taught the basic rules of living on Islam? Why our lives have become show pieces to the world only? Why? Why impressing God is the last thing to consider and creation has become our priority? Why?! Why?! Why?! Where has our Hayaa gone? Where? Allah is watching. We’ve lost Hayaa with Allah. We’ve lost it. Wallahi we have lost it. We don’t feel shame when we commit sin. We don’t feel guilt when we hurt the person next to us. We have become so prone to committing sin that our hearts don’t feel any tremor inside.
Do you think losing your house in a calamity is a loss? Do you think losing your car in an accident is a loss? Do you think losing the material of this Dunya is a loss? If this is loss for you, then you’re actually in the gravest of loss! Wallahi. Because this is not loss. Loss is inside of you. You’ve lost God. Why can’t you see? Why can’t you feel? He has left your heart. Because your heart has stopped yearning for Him. Don’t you feel this loss? Don’t you hear your Fitrah crying inside? Don’t you feel how badly you need Him? We lose a little from this Dunya and we mourn over it. And our entire lives are going at complete waste and we feel nothing? Why?!
When all your life is no more than a piece of show off and extravagance, you lose a lot. Creation becomes your priority. God leaves your heart. This is what all our lives have ever been up to. We’ve lived for the approval of creation. We’ve lived for the approval of this Dunya. What a mere loss! You’re made of dust, and it is dust where your final abode will be. We’re wasting our lives showing off, living in extravagance, not realizing how poor we’re from the inside. Our exterior doesn’t dictate our richness. It’s the interior that shows how rich or how poor we’re. We’re getting poorer than poor from the inside. And richer than rich from the outside. Inna Lillahe Wa Inna Ilahe Rajeoun (Translation: To Allah we belong and to Him is our return.)
What have you prepared for the hour? What have you prepared for the Akhirah? Ask yourself. NOW!
You’re seeking for success in this Dunya, not realizing, success resides in knowing your God. Success resides in loving your Allah. Loving Allah above all else. I’ve wasted 19 precious years of my life not realizing how much my soul yearns for Allah. I kept on suppressing the call of Fitrah, I kept on refuting the guilt of sins inside. I thought this so-called disease of guilt will only grow if I kept thinking over it. I stopped feeling it. Loss. Mere loss. I forgot how much I needed Him. How much I need Him. He’s all I’ll ever need.
Today, if you ask me what do I want? I don’t want money. I don’t want a lavish lifestyle. I don’t want a wardrobe filled with top-designer clothes. I’ve had them all. And I know what price you’ve to pay when this material resides in your heart. It takes God away from you. It steals your peace. It creates a void inside of you which causes more pain. More destruction. And in the end, there’s nothing that you literally own.
I want God. I want Allah. I want a Beloved Who will never separate from me. A Beloved Who no one can ever take away. A Beloved Who will stand by me. Who will guide me through this filth. Who will be with me forever. A creation can in no way stand true to this. Only God can. And He will. I know. I’m sure.
Change me Ya Allah. Change me. Change my heart. Change my heart. Change my heart.