Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has been very kind. If I evaluate my life on the scale of difficulty, I can claim that I’ve not been afflicted with serious bunch of hardships. I was the kind of person who didn’t have the ability to confront the minutest of pain. But as time passed, eventually Allah made me realize that everything He sends upon me is a blessing, it just depends on how I perceive it.
Then came a series after series of deaths in the family, which made my faith stronger that nothing in this Dunya will last for long. Everyone sent down here has a purpose. And it’s Allah alone Who knows the purpose we’re living here for. As soon as we’re done with that purpose, we will be brought back to Him. And this thought has instilled a purpose in my heart. The purpose is to leave behind a legacy that will act as Sadqa-e-Jariya for me and my parents.
I once read somewhere that donating blood is an act of Sadqa-e-Jariya. Since then, I’ve been involved in blood donations, Alhamdulillah. Today, I was made to face the reality. I seriously felt that I’m just a breath away from death. After you donate blood you have to lie down for about 15-20 minutes. This helps in circulating equal proportion of blood in the body. Instead of lying down for 20 minutes, I rose up within 7-10 minutes time. I was perfectly normal then, Alhamdulillah. But in a matter of 2-3 minutes my head almost had terrible jerks. My hands got all white, and I could barely stand. My body started turning cold. The staff around hurriedly came towards me. They tried every possible thing they could think of. I started losing my breath. And from the inside all I felt was, if today I die, I’ll be able to meet The One I have wished to meet for long. Those certain moments of pain and agony taught me how much worse the death scene will be.
When I returned home, my parents got pretty angry on my move of donating blood. And then there was something very strong that I felt. This is Dunya. My parents love me so much that they can’t afford to lose their daughter. Behind their scolding, hid the fear of losing their daughter. This is their love. Now imagine God’s love, Who put me in this painful situation, not to depress me, rather to remove those piles of sins that I’ve put on myself as layers of burden. He did this to make me realize how worse will the pain of death be. WALLAHI He has transformed every painful situation into a blessing for me. His love is beyond everything that exist. I just can’t thank Him enough. I felt a strange feeling of bliss from the inside while I was going through this whole painful situation. I just don’t know how to put it down into words. But He has taught me to seek for His signs in every single blessing and hardship. I can see His signs in this entire Universe. Every single thing reminds me of Him, Allahu akbar! What a blessing! I can’t ask for anything else. As long as I have Him, I know I’m safe. Fear of death has escaped my heart. The only fear I’ve left inside is of disappointing Him. I just don’t want to disappoint Him.
My beloved parents got tensed because of my pain, but they didn’t know what a huge lesson Allah has taught me through these few moments of pain. The feeling is so hard to pen down. It’s divine. Only God knows how much this has affected me.
Ya Allah! Take everything from me that steals me away from Your remembrance. Because all I need is You. It is You alone I desire to have (A’meen Ya Rabb)